WELCOME to the ALT.TV.RED-DWARF Primer!

The group for Red Dwarf related chit-chat!

You are reading the Primer, a document that has evolved over the three million years that alt.tv.red-dwarf has been on the Usenet! It's purpose? To explore new worlds, seek out new life...hang about. That's not right, oh yes! It's purpose is to help you slum about here without looking like a total smeghead.

Introduction
Obtaining the FAQ
The rules
Basic rules of ettiquette in ATVRD
Contacting people to ask questions
Self explanatory, really

1. Smoke me a Kipper...

If you're new to the Internet, you could do a lot worse than check out the "news.announce.newusers" group, which will tell you about Internet Etiquette (netiquette).

2. Thanks for the Memory...

The Red-Dwarf Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ) list. Try to read the FAQ before doing anything - you might very well find your answers in there. It's the quickest and easiest way to get a helpful answer to a question.

2.1 Obtaining the FAQ
I'm not entirely convinced that this information is correct. The FAQ is being updated before being passed to the new maintainer. More information to follow.
You could...
a) Point your favourite Web browser to: http://home.interpath.net/pat/rd/faq.html
b) FTP it, if you can FTP - from: rtfm.mit.edu /pub/usenet/news.answers/tv/red-dwarf/faq
c) Send an email message to... mail-server@rtfm.mit.edu ..with the following line in the message body: send /pub/usenet/news.answers/tv/red-dwarf/faq

3. Space Corps Directives...

We try to sound grown-up and important, but really we only have five steadfast rules:

a) PLEASE DO NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, POST BINARY FILES!
A 'Binary' includes .wav, .gif, .jpeg, .mpeg or any other sound or graphic file that you UUencode or use MIME to post to newsgroups. DO NOT POST THEM! YOU WILL NOT BE THANKED! WE REALLY MEAN IT! This is very important! Some people have to pay (like, with money) to get news, many grabbing the day's postings in one go to read later off-line. Some phone companies charge per minute. Binaries make the download very much longer, so please be considerate of other users. If you want to make a Red Dwarf picture or sound file available, post it to one of the following newsgroups: alt.binaries.pictures.misc (for piccies) alt.binaries.sounds.tv (for sound files) ..and then tell everyone. If possible, try and quote the Message-IDs, Subjects and Dates of your posts; this enables those who can't access the groups to pick out your articles without subscribing. ...Or you could put it on a web page. If you do not have one then there are a few people out there who may be willing to put it on theirs. Just ask.

b) Horses for courses
Some people like 'nit-picking' and discussing inconsistencies. You may not care about the prop used to unclog a chicken soup nozzle but remember some people do, and that it's their show as much as it's yours. If you don't like it, just ignore them and start some good topics of your own!

c) Don't "Spoil" things for others.
RD is British, but this newsgroup is global, so when the time comes for new material to appear, there will be various delays before everyone on the group has a chance to see it. Letting out details of an episode or book before the readers of your post have had the chance to see it themselves is called "Spoiling". Giving out "Spoilers" is something that some people will thank you for, but for which everyone else will *despise* you! Maintaining the status quo is easy, though. If you want to talk about such stuff, just do the following simple things:

1. Write "[SPOILERS]" at the start of your Subject line, followed by the subject text. Remember not to put any Spoilers in the Subject line itself!

2. Leave about 25 lines (about a screenful) at the top of your post, as some software automatically opens each post. Don't rely on <control-L> to clear the screen, as this won't work on all software setups.

And that's it, the two-step guide to safety when spoiling =)

For those who are really wary about being spoiled, you might want to try alt.tv.red-dwarf.discussion.

d) Don't post personal flames
Well, don't post them too often. :)
Occasionally letting off a bit of steam is healthy and clears the air, but more often then not it develops into a slanging match. If you have to point out someone's failings at length, be an adult. Do it by e-mail.

e) Finally, as a group, we never fall for flame-bait, trolls or spams.
In other words, messages saying "RD is crap!", or advertising meaningless rubbish, or anything that's likely to offend you and get you to write a scathing reply that the troller can laugh about. Well, okay, we do - but if you *really* can't stop yourself following up, at least try and be funny =). It's also worth noting that spams are often "crossposted" (posted to lots and lots of uncaring newsgroups). If you're going to follow up the post, its usually best to edit those other groups out.

4. Confidence and Paranoia...

Anyone still worried? Feel you want to avoid the business end of the polo mallet? If you follow common-sense etiquette you'll get by just fine.

Basically...
a) Keep .sig length to the Usenet guideline, four lines or less.
An over-long .sig is practically guaranteed to make some people, well, tetchy. It may seem a silly rule, but there are perfectly valid reasons for it that have nothing to do with bandwidth. Look them up on "news.announce.newusers". People want to read what you write, not your favourite quote from Tolstoy, or an advert for your mates Web site.
b) Don't post test messages...
Send them to the misc.test or alt.test groups instead. You get automatic acknowledgements that way, and it saves you being murdered in a variety of interesting ways. You can always cunningly disguise a test message by posting something about RD.
c) Don't over quote.
Why, say, quote an entire 100 line message just to add 'I agree', at the bottom? Old arguments are boring: people wanna see your juicy new stuff! Remember to snip anything you are not responding to, especially .sigs. *One exception here is Spoiler space. There's no problem in quoting *the minimum amount of Spoiler space from a previous post.
d) Keep line length around the 70-75 character mark
Apart from being viewed on various machines, your posts will get quoted, so space is needed to fit the quoting symbols in.
e) DON'T WRITE ENTIRE MESSAGES IN UPPERCASE - IT'S A BUGGER TO READ!
Uppercase indicates shouting. Do it occasionally by all means but not too much, it'll lessen the effect =).
f) Use something to show your humour, sarcasm, etc.
It's easy to be misinterpreted, otherwise! Smileys are the most common form of shorthand expressionism... :-) =) :) :-(
g) Be interesting, charming, witty, incisive, sexy...
you get the idea, and if you really have to play the guitar, please put on a spacesuit and do it outside. :)

5. Sir! They've taken Mr Rimmer...

Look out for other documents that have split off from this primer or used to have a home here, namely: "Welcome to alt.tv.red-dwarf" "alt.tv.red-dwarf News - Answers to Questions" (resting) www.smegweb.co.uk/atvrd/

6. The End...

....yup, it certainly is. If you have any problems or queries regarding this newsgroup or this little Primer, or if you are unsure about anything, please feel free to email one of the Agony Droids below:

Ang - UK - ang@ermitang.co.uk
Tafka - UK - atvrd@smegweb.co.uk
Annette - Australia - mcintosh@netlink.com.au
Heidi - USA - stennie@earthlink.net
Charles - USA - cdaniels@calweb.com

Obviously, if you have a country-specific query, pick an appropriate chap or chappess. The above are not netcops, honest, just the kind of hard-living flatfoots who get the job done by cutting corners and bucking authority; people who have volunteered to help you, the new lifeform, into this newsgroup. Thanks, and see you in the drive room...

The boys and girls from the Dwarf!


This Red Dwarf primer reproduced here with kind permission from Ang and is not copyrighted to this site!

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