Close Encounters
Rimmer's
Dream
(Save
code 52154317)
Rimmer laid
down on his bunk, closed his eyes and tried to relax.
"Lights......Ah, peace at last.
Lister is really getting on my nerves. I'd really love to toast his...."
"Did someone say they wanted toast?"
"No, and they never will, so shut the smeg up or I'll chuck you down
the toilet.....again!"
"Okay, but do you want some toast?"
"Look, can't you grasp this simple premise? The premise that no-one wants
any toast!"
"How about a bagel?"
"Nope"
"Croissant?"
"Niet"
"Crumpet?"
"Nein"
"You're not a waffle man, are you?"
"Yes!"
"You are?"
"No, yes, I'm not!"
"Ah.....how about some chips?"
"You can make chips? I thought you were limited to bread products."
"I am, they're bread chips....soldiers, almost."
"Then no, I've
got a wheat allergy"
"Since when? Not since you last ate toast, less then a year ago."
"Yes, since then, whenever I hear the word 'toast' I get all goosepimpley"
"It'll wear off eventually....besides, there's always wheat-free bread!"
"Does it taste like bread?"
"Well, depends on the sort of bread you eat....if you prefer nice bread
then no!"
"Then I don't want wheat-free either.....there's just one thing I want,
and you are stopping me getting it"
"What's that?"
"Sleep, goodnight!"
Rimmer closed his
eyes, laid his head back against his pillow, and slowly drifted off to sleep.
"Can I ask just one question?"
Rimmer opens his eyes and looks over at the toaster.
"Go on then...."
"Why is there a picture of you in a romper suit stuck to the wall?"
"What? Where? I thought you were going to ask about pancakes or something!"
"That was my next question!"
Rimmer got up from the bed and ripped the picture from the wall. He then ripped
it into little pieces then put the pieces into the toaster and turned the
toaster on full.
"Hey, what're you doing?"
"It's called
'killing two birds with one stone' and I'm enjoying every minute of it!"
RImmer laughed gleefully as the paper ignited, causing Talkie Toaster (tm,
patent applied for) to start to melt around the edges.
"But why? What did I do wrong?" said Talkie Toaster (tm, patent
applied for) as he melted.
Rimmer went back to his bed and tried to sleep, but couldn't.
"Would you like some toa...." said Talkie Toaster (tm, patent applied
for) as he slowly melted into oblivion. The stench of melted cheap plastic
permeated the air, and Rimmer knew it was futile to even try to sleep in this
pea-souper of plastic.....so he didn't. Rimmer got up from his bed and turned
on the extractor fan, then left the room
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