Close Encounters
The
Drive Room
(Save code 82179548)
Rimmer ran
into the Drive Room, his hair soaking wet, and sat at one of the consoles.
Kryten handed him a towel for his hair.
"I don't need it, you stupid plastic reject from the Action Man Lifesize
Doll factory!"
"Okay, sir, I was just thinking of the control panel, you don't want
to electrocute yourself, do you?"
Rimmer grabbed the towel and started drying his hair, looking at Kryten in
that "you're going to leave this place as scrap metal, miladdo"
way he had perfected over the years. Kryten, who had Rimmer's stare in his
killfile (so he ignored it without thinking about it), just stood there and
looked as amicable as can be.
Cat muttered under his breath "That was our one chance, and he had to
go ruin it for us!"
Lister went
over to another console, sat down, then punched a few codes into the keyboard.
"It seems this 'message' we are getting is from some kind of unidentifiied
source, and it's being relayed through a planet with a livable, breathable
atmosphere"
"Yes, indeedy, and I suppose you worked all this out for yourself, miladdo!"
said Rimmer, knowing full well where Lister got his info from, seeing as he
was told exactly the same info by Holly not less than 10 minutes ago.
"No, actually, Holly told me most of that, and I guessed the rest based
on what he said!"
Rimmer gave up on Lister and went back to his console.
Rimmer stops typing for a second, looks out the viewport above, and says to
no-one in particular "You know, I'd really like to actually find
intelligent life out there....Life that doesn't play 'guess that smell'
or 'match the body part to the crew member'.....Life that doesn't try lighting
its own farts during a pub crawl!"
"Well, you're stuck with us, Rimmer....D'yer want yer dummy now or shall
I go warm up yer bottle?"
Rimmer went red with embarassment and decided to shut up and go back to his
typing.
"What was that about, bud?"
"Nothing, Cat, just forget it....Private joke!"
"Oh come on, it sounds slightly interesting....is it anything to do with
Rimmer being dressed up as a baby?"
Rimmer looked at the Cat, then at Lister, then at the Cat again, then finally
kept his gaze fixed on Lister.
"You told him? I can't believe you told him!"
"Look, I didn't, man, honest! I don't know how he found out!"
Cat held up an A4 picture of Rimmer he found posted on one of the food dispensers,
then grinned at the two of them. Rimmer gasps at the fact that Lister actually
took a photograph and actually posted a copy for everyone to see
like that! He gets up from his chair and walks out of the room. He stops as
he gets to the door, then turns towards Lister, his face tainted with fear.
"Er, Lister, how many of these copies did you actually make and post?"
"LIke I said, I was drunk, why?"
"It's just that there's another 10 on the wall in here!"
Rimmer leaves the room and goes back to his sleeping quarters to lie down,
this time with the door locked and the romper suit burned to a crisp.
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