Close Encounters
The
Drive Room (again)
(Save code 72186301)
Rimmer came
into the room, smiling to himself quietly. He sat down at one of the consoles
and just sat there looking at the screen.
"Rimmer, are you alright, man?"
"Alright? I'm perfectly fine, just 'solved' a little problem we had with
Talkie Toaster, I don't think he'll be offering us toast again!"
"Why, what've you done? I hope you didn't hit him with my guitar like
last time! It took me three weeks to retune that thing!"
"RE-tune it? It was more 'in tune' once I'd finished with it!
The noise it made while I hit the toaster sounded better than your usual strumming!"
"Some people happen to like my playing, thankyou!"
"And had they heard it? Didn't you ever wonder why you were the singer
in 'Smeg and the heads' rather than playing bass?"
"They said I was a better singer, and I put more feeling into it than
they would"
"More like they'd heard you play the guitar!"
"Anyway, what've you done to Talkie Toaster?"
"Nothing major, he'll survive....perhaps.....any more news regarding
this signal?"
"Nothing, man, absolutely nothing."
"Holly, what's your view on this signal?"
"Well, I can't seem to find the sourc....wait a second, I'm getting something!
Left a bit, down a bit, left a little, there!"
"In galactic co-ordinates?"
"-100,+50 from current location"
Lister punched the co-ords into the console and the scanner searched the location
and returned its findings. Lister read them out to the crew.
"Class M Planet, breathable atmosphere, flora and fauna provides all
the oxygen we could need....also rudimentary life and intelligence...."
"Can they play 'name that smell' or is that beneath them?" says
Rimmer.
Lister ignored him and continued reading down the page...
"....Unknown lifeforms on the surface, this is first contact with said
lifeforms and we are to exercise caution...."
"....In other words, take a bazookoid and blow the bastard to smithereens
if he comes close..." said the Cat, grinning.
"No, we exercise caution, taking a bazookoid would make them feel threatened
and they're more likely to attack if they feel threatened." said Rimmer,
matter-of-factly.
"So what if they attack?"
"We run, plain and simple"
"What if they have a gun?"
"We run and weave left and right?"
"No, Rimmer, we take concealed weapons!"
"What weaponry do you suggest? Perhaps a mini-bazookoid?"
"A superlative suggestion, with just two minor flaws..."
"Shut up, Kryten, I know there's no such thing! That was my point!"
"Actually, there is, but they're stored away in the depths of Red Dwarf's
storage bays somewhere"
"Then why don't we get them and use them?"
"They're only mini in the sense that they're smaller. They're not small
enough to hide up the arm, and they'd be dangerous to carry around like that
anyway!"
"Well, that ruins the entire inventory of A.J. Rimmer's tactics book"
says Lister, "We can't run away from them and we can't shoot them"
"Although we could use the arm-guided lasers, you just attach
the laser generation unit to your back and run the firre-optic along your
arm and through to your finger, and you've got a laser finger which is capable
of killing!"
"Sounds like fun!"
"Shall I go and look for the lasers, sir?"
"Sure, Kryters, we may need them..."
"....As long as you don't have the urge to poke your nose, Listy, it'd
fry your brain.....or what passes for a brain in there!" said Rimmer,
smiling. Lister gave Rimmer a look that'd melt ice from 3 light years away
and Rimmer scoffed at him. Kryten left the drive room in search of the laser
pointers. Lister got up from his chair and got ready to "meet the meat"
as it were. Rimmer just sat there, idly reading through the data about the
signal and the planet, seeing if he could make head nor tail of it.
Whose Point Of View would you like to continue this story from?
This page Copyright © 2000 MURDER - The Misc Useful Red Dwarf Entertainment Resource